我的心事

心情可以说是差到极点... 但又不知道要向谁倾诉...
想来想去真得没有一个适合人选...
这时才发现，原来自己已经不再相信任何人了...
还被某人说道：你不如回你的火星生活吧...

或许是吧...

真得很辛苦... 还学会逃避"人类"... 很可笑吧...
我很常说：my life is perfect, pls dont disturb me!
其实就是想告诉人: 我只想自己一个人... 不想听任何事...
不想被打尤... 就希望与世隔绝就对了...

我懂我自己发生了一些事...
又是那种累计成山... 平时不理不管... 现在一发不可收拾...

尝试告诉自己要学会放开... 但是似乎好像失败了...
我懂有些事情的发生真的需要时间冲淡... 但我快疯了...
很想尽快解决掉... 但... 还是失败...

反反复复的告诉自己... 我该怎么办... 我真很辛苦...

其实没有人明白我，我也无所谓... 真的...
因为我自己也不想说太多... 就觉得很累...
所以其他人不明白... 是应该的...
毕竟不是每个人都能够理解或懂你... 更何况你什么都不说...

真的快疯了！！！

我是否太理性，太独立了...
导致我想什么，做什么都是... 自己来; 自己吭...

我又是否太完美主义了...
导致我什么事都要过得了自己那关... 不对就重来...
（可是人生不像玩game，可以re-start or re-play）

我是不是太固执，太顽固...
导致我凡事都要求公平公正...

我是不是太霸道...
导致我一旦情况不授予我控制，我就不开心...

我是不是太在意他人的闲言闲语...
然后就一直压抑自己说：我不在乎，我ok的...

导致现在的我，情绪已经不受控制了...

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之前，我试过用爱去活在这个世界...
但是，我是个凡事都要求公平公正的人...
不要求回报，这是主耶稣基督的教导...
可是就是受不了人类的恶行... 结果我疯了...

现在，我用恨恶去面对这个世界...
结果我也失败了，只因我是个完美主义的人...
我过不了自己那关... 恨恶导致我的情绪越来越不稳定...
越来越讨厌自己...

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说实在的，我多次重复的说我情绪非常不稳定...
是因为我发现自己不受控制得很可怕...
有时候，我真得觉得自己就像被附生了的魔鬼... 很恐怖...

真的很可怕，很恶心，很讨厌...

我受不了了...
我不爱了，也不恨了...
我什么都不配... 我认了... 我输了... 不玩了...
我只希望好好的过我的生活... 不要再烦我了...


my life is perfect, please dont disturb me, really...

GOD Creation is Miracle...

有时候事情的发生并不是偶然的...

Get Lost Wendy!

It cares about what u have done to me actually...
i didnt expect that i can hurt until now ==
Sick...! shitt wendy...

累了...

今天早上下起了一场小雨... 车停在离学校还有一段路, 如果是以前的我一定不撑伞, 然后很潇洒的淋着雨走到学校去... 或许现在不同了... 不想玩什么潇洒不潇洒的了...

在这段路途里, 我想了很多... 想着想着... 无意中就留下了眼泪... 是雨水吗? 在这时我只觉得, 爸爸... 辛苦了, 妈妈... 辛苦了, 小妹...辛苦了, 添慧...辛苦了... , 然后真的很无言... ...

这次真的累坏了... 第一次感觉到，嘴角上扬到痛而导致我不想再笑了... 为什么? 是为了什么??

我不想玩了...
因为我的个性而导致每个人都觉得我很好玩... 很无所谓...
有谁对我认真过?
或许就连我也在和我自己开玩笑吧, 所以我看不见所谓的认真... 很可悲吧...

那天收到一封简讯... 只是短短的一封... "很晚了，回家要小心, take care..." 我却愣了好久... 好久...
... ... ... ...
... ... ... ...

原来我也有女生受保护的感觉...


我說：「我累了。」
神說：「我让你休息。 」(太11:28-30)

我爱你... 上帝...

I care the way u look at me...

Just finish the P&W meeting...
On the way to get back home... i keep thinking of u...

The way from church to my house actually quite near...
Its need 15mins to reach to my house...
But i took 45 mins to get back home ==
I really have no idea why i can drive so slow...

I keep thinking... izzit something happened?
Am i get wrong? or i m think too much...

The way that u looking at me... i feel bad...


I was like a stupid... really stupid...
Why i always like a stupid in front of u...

Just realize it....

Just realize it actually i already having a profound feelings in....
i dont knw y and how could it be happened...
at 1st i was just thought have fun and play kidding... but no...
i just realize it.... i getting deeper and deeper....
i dont knw y i can cry easily just bcos of small small tiny thing...
if God Father give me a wish... i hope.... i never knw u in my life...
v dont knw each other... and i wont get hurt so easily....
i really hate to get hurt....
i just want to finish my aim and further my life.......... and u...
aren't in my life.... may be u just across or just a stranger in my life....

Thanks for your across....

Just Experience an extension Mind ^^

Just finish my spiritual studies... I love these 2 statement very much... so have a small sharing here... ^^


"The Lord is my strength and my safe cover. My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. So my heart is full of joy. I will thank Him with my song. Psalm 28:7"


I m really glad tat i read this statement today... its helped me alot and cheered me up... recently i having alot of problem... and i try to dodge about it... ofcourse through the camp... i have learned something... at least i grasp something special and reclaim me from vice LOL... its really precious to me...


Again "Lord is my strength and my safe cover."
V shouldn't worries... if He give us a test, sure He will teach us the solution. And wat should v do is "trust Him" and entrust Him... He will make a way for us....

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not trust in your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5"

Through this statement, i also understand tat v shouldn't "blind trust"... love Him with all ours' heart just like He love us... He wont ask us how rich r v, how good talent v have... He just ask.... r u love me...with all ur heart? If v want to knw Him, just find out but not encourage to use ours' own understanding to get to knw Him... dont misunderstanding His Great Love...

Work with ours' heart for Him... anything just make a prayer.... He love to talk to us....

Love u Jesus, my lovely God Father.